Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Day 317- Christmas, Birthdays, and Santa Claus

Since most of you seem to be off on vacation, I'm going to continue my off-topic wanderings.

My birthday is next week. Now it's kinda cool- I can mix my birthday celebration in with New Years Eve parties and don't have to plan anything myself. When I was a kid, though, it sucked. I'm sure most kids with Christmas-celebrating families and late-December/ early-January birthdays probably had the same problem. 

It's not as obvious, I'm sure, if you don't have siblings, but there was always my sister's birthday, two short months later, and all the cool stuff she got then. I suffered from budget issues around Christmas. And gift mix-up.

Gift mix-up, you may wonder, what is that?

Well, see... trapped in a house with three clever females (plus the odd female dog), my father began getting sneaky with his gift wrapping. If *we* didn't know who something went to, we'd be less likely to guess what it was. So one year he wrapped each person's gifts in a different type of paper. Then he forgot who got what color paper.

The next year we might (reasonably) expect the same thing, so he used a *code* instead. Except he didn't write it down. Anywhere. All I remember about that year was repeatedly being handed and opening gifts that were for my sister. I think there was crying involved.

Note to parents- if you have memory problems and clever kids and decide to use codes, please, please, please write it down and store it in a not-safe-place. Like with your driving license. Crying at Christmas is bad.

Usually at least one thing I got at Christmas was both for my birthday *and* Christmas. Sometimes it was from Santa. Usually my sister got the *exact same thing* only in a different color either for her birthday that year, or the next Christmas. But that's an older/ younger thing.

Anyway, getting birthday gifts from Santa leads me to now ask Santa for all the really random crazy stuff I will never ever get. I know I'm not getting it, I'm asking a non-existent jolly old fat man for it.

So in the car, on the way back to Mom's house on Saturday, I asked Santa for something. I asked Santa for a man. I ask every year. I rarely get one. When I do he's usually of the throw-it-back variety. This year I was more specific. I wanted an employed, not interested in kids, single, attractive, straight guy. I think I even wanted him to be nice. My stepfather says I'm being to picky. I think he objects to the attractive part.

Really, though, if I wanted an ugly guy, I could find one on the street. It's not like I'm asking for a guy at least 5 inches taller than me (the supply of 6'2" men in Charleston is kinda lacking)- so long as the guy doesn't care that I'm going to wear 4 inch heels when I go out, not a problem. I'm not even asking for well traveled, or a guy with a passport, or a vegetarian. Tho I'm really not sure what I'd do with a guy who'd never traveled, or what to feed a meat-eater.

If I'm not attracted to the guy, though, there's no reason to even try. I'm not even talking spectacular male beauty. I just want decent attraction. When you look at a guy and think "people kiss him???" it's a bad way to start a relationship. 

Anyway, I don't expect to get that from Santa. I doubt I'd *ever* be that good, and the world's supply of beautiful rock and roll cellists is taken, last I heard, so no naughty for me.

Which means it's time to move on to birthday requests for Santa. I want Santa to bring me a jackpot winning lottery ticket. A real one I don't have to buy myself. For my birthday. This year. And none of that "you wone 7 million pounds in the UK lotto" emails, either.

You gotta be specific with that Santa guy. Being totally fictional, he sometimes cuts corners. 

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