A Re-Feeding Effort

Finally managed to get a coin and a coin-operated scale in the same place at the same time on Sunday.

The results are.. not pretty. Since February I've gone from about 136, give or take to a bit under 120. If I were 5'4 that wouldn't be so bad. If I'd lost fat instead of muscle, still not so bad.

Instead, the only fat I seem to have lost is the fat where my boobs should be, which is how the world works, I guess. And so I'm about the same, mostly-boy shape I was in high school. And most of college. Which means I need to do two things.

1. Regain a butt-ton of weight
2. Do some forking exercise so it isn't all fat.

I started Sunday with the eating thing.

See, there's a reason I make potato chips a major part of my diet when I'm at home. They're easy, they're kinda cheap, they're a great chip-dip delivery system, and they're super calorie dense.

If they weren't also super expensive, they'd be part of my diet here, too. Instead, I need to find a different selection of calorie dense foods.

Which brings me to my problem. Nuts are calorie dense. So are avocados. And Cheese, butter, oil. For omnis, meat is packed with calories.

They're also all foods that cost more per pound. Potatoes are 20-80 cents per pound. Flour (even here where it's a "luxury") runs less than a dollar a pound. Same with onions, carrots, squash, pasta, rice, and (dry) beans.

To add calorie-dense foods to my diet means increasing my budget. But it also means my stomach can physically hold more calories. So I stocked up with some stuff that's sure to make me sick (mozzarella, american cheese, real butter) and started a heavy-duty re-feeding effort Sunday.

And can I just say... I'd forgotten how gross butter smells when it cooks. I hope it's gone off, but I don't think it did. It smells like... well, like gross. I think when I finish this stick (that cost more than a dollar, yes, really.) I'll switch to the fake stuff they use here. It can't possibly smell as bad. Right?

Anyway, I started Sunday with a bagel and cream cheese. You might have seen that. It was yummy. They put actual chunks of garlic in the garlic bagel. I should have picked up half a dozen. I still might.

Then I followed that with a trip to the bakery where I grabbed a choco muffin, a choco-almond muffin, and three torpedo rolls. Oh, and the first diet pepsi of the day.

Then I re-heated about a cup of black beans, fried up some onions in oil, and had yummy beans (with two slices of left over american cheese) scooped up with one of the rolls. Then off to the store for some more food.

Half a bag of Doritos and two rolls worth of open-faced grilled cheese/ veggie sammiches followed. With both fried and raw onion, mozz. cheese, american cheese, salt, pepper, fresh lime juice, butter, sliced tomato and mustard. I nommed them all with another soda.

And that was Sunday. Woke up Monday still full. Melted about 6 slices of cheese over the other half of the bag of Doritos. Tasty breakfast with a can of soda. Then another soda a couple hours later when I nommed my way through a 250g bag of pasta, 5 slices of cheese (both types), a tablespoon +/- of butter, some oil, salt, tomato... then a final soda to fill out the evening.

I'm a bit peckish right now, but it's forking late. Additional food will just have to wait.

Unfortunately, I doubt it's going to make much difference. There's only so much that I can fit into my stomach, and only so much time in a day I'm willing to spend cooking/eating/cleaning up/loafing about like a fat tick(dog, etc).

But for now, I'm making an attempt. I just don't know how long I can choke down that much cheese/grease. Srsly, it's kinda really gross. Guess I'll have to watch out for ripe avocados and fresh nuts. 

And make more trips to that bakery, too. at 12 cents each +/- the rolls are a pretty good buy.

Just... Don't ask how much I spent on food Sunday. Cheese and butter drove the price up to a crazy point and I'm trying not to think about it.

Missing Food

When I was in NZ, I had a nearly uncontrollable need for american-style Mac and Cheese. You know, the strangely orange stuff. In NZ all they had was this odd stuff made with "fancy" cheese. Still powdered, but not unhealthily orange.

I wanted nothing to do with it.

My cravings for "mexican" food I could manage--salsa's easy to make, and even in the middle of nowhere they have tortillas, taco shells, seasoning mix and refried beans. I even managed to fake a decent enchilada sauce at one point.

Now here I am in Guatemala, still wanting mac and cheese. I was in the import shop on friday, took a quick peek around. Totally wonderful looking place, with pretty much everything I'm sure I'd crave if I had the common sense to want real food. They even had american beer, which I thought was a bit odd.

So now I want mac and cheese. I didn't see any there. I really didn't look. But even if I found it, I don't have anywhere (yet) to cook it.

Then, tonight, something smells lightly of curry. Now I want Indian food, too. I tried the local idea of samosas. I won't be doing that again. They were... odd. Also, instead of sweet tamarind dipping sauce, they came out with pizza sauce and soy sauce. Samosas (even odd ones) don't go well with either of those flavors.

While I was in Antigua, the whole hour and a half, I walked past two McDonald's, a BK, and a Subway. Actually, I went into the Subway. I might have to go back and actually buy something next time I'm there. It's strange, actually. I don't miss home. I only miss the food.

I suspect I'll be doing eating tour of Charleston when I go back to visit. In a bit more than 3 months. I should probably start saving, huh?

So, what foods do you find you miss, when you can't get them? And can you sub something else, or does it have to be that exact thing? You know, like generic for brand name, or one kind of cheese for another....

Also, would kill for a big bag of chips, some vegan sour cream, and tasty spice mix. Would kill lots.

My Tasty Food Dreams

By this time last year, I probably would have slaughtered quiet, intelligent, well-mannered children (if I could find any) for a chance to eat food I didn't have to cook myself. Here I am, though, after about two and a half months without a kitchen, and I'm getting twitchy.

Yummy Pizza With Garlic (yes, big slices)

I haven't had pasta in over a month. I've had pizza a couple times, nachos a lot, and more potato soup than you can shake a stick at (would the soup even care?). I think, without the soda, I'd be well on my way to a fine case of scurvy.

Anyway, with about 4 and a half months before I take a trip home, I'm starting to get the "I really want to eat x" thing going. Some of it I can fix down here--I suspect the healthy food store here in town sells wheat gluten. I know they sell vegan cookies. They've got pretty much all the staples. I could fill in with stuff from the local market in town.

But first, I need a kitchen.

You'd never think that eating out every single day would get old. And maybe someplace like New York City or Portland it wouldn't. Heck, both of those cities have veggie food from one end to the other. Here my choices are burrito (long walk in the rain, closed on Sundays), pizza (cheap one is also a long walk in the rain but closed on Wednesdays), or the stuff I get here.

I'm already starting to put together a list of things I want to eat when I go home. I've researched the tasty veggie food options at the Atlanta airport. I've got just under three hours there (if my flight's on time) to clear customs and immigration, hunt down food, and sprint ('cause you always do there) from the international terminal to where ever the little Delta commuter jets leave from. But they have a Moe's in the international terminal, so I'll be hitting that (and they damned well better be open and have the tasty tofu and fried onions and beans and guac and who knows what else).

Once I get home, though, I've got plans. I want to hit the Indian restaurant, and the falafel-selling places. And the real (or reasonably similar-to) New York-Style pizza place. And make mac and cheese, and sweet potato gnocchi, and crescent roll-wrapped, (maybe vegan) cheese-stuffed veggie dogs dipped in ketchup and mustard. And fake meat fajitas. And fake meatball subs. And vegan cupcake the size of my head. And chips dipped in seasoned (vegan, for stomach happiness) sour cream. And TVP tacos, piled high with all the stuff I know and love. And beans on toast, and ...

Sorry, soup's here, time to eat.

But, yeah, totally finding a place with a guest kitchen for my next location--I actually *miss* cooking. Who'd'a thunk it.

I Dream Of Veggie Dogs

When I moved to NZ for school, I was fine for the first three or four months. Then I wanted American-style pizza. And frozen ravioli. And mexican food and ketchup that tasted "right" and mac and cheese the color of something you really probably shouldn't eat.

And I started begging my mother to send me at least some of that stuff. Burritos don't travel well, but the "cheese" powder packet from a box of mac and cheese travels just fine.

Well, I've hit that point here. I realized it about a week ago. The next day I was on the phone with mom, discussing a mad cooking/ photographing/ video-making spree I'm planning when I go home for a visit in November. I told her I'd been thinking about Veggie Dogs. How when I got "home" (in 6 months....) I was going to buy veggie dogs, american cheese (there's actually a melty vegan sliced one that works ok), crescent roll dough, and make cheesy dough wrapped hot-dog-thingies.

Since then my list has gotten longer. I want pickles. And sauerkraut. And Mac and Cheese. And zucchini. And lasagna, and gnocchi, and cheddar and sour cream ruffles, and vats of vegan sour cream, and those freaking pot-sticker things I made last year, and bagels, and ravioli, and big ripe tomatoes (I know, fat chance in November, even in SC). And Tacos in hard shells, with TVP "meat" flavored with the taco mix I love from Penzey's. And that fake "meat" stuff from Morningstar. And packaged seitan for making of buffalo "wings".

I think this is actually the worst part of travel. Forget being half-assedly blackmailed by the immigration guy, it's the lack of food I *love* that kills me.

Which isn't to say that the food here sucks. Oh, no. Quite the opposite, actually. But if my parent/ parents meet me at the airport 5 and a half months from now with a pizza from Pies-On, I'll demolish it with great joy. Heck, I was dreaming about polenta a couple days ago.

I blame you for that one, Mom.

So, outside of eating more mangoes than any one person should be allowed to, that's where my food thoughts are this week. Anyone have any super yummy foods to add to my list? You'll note that Doritos are absent. The world is suddenly lousy with them. Everywhere I can find them. Strangeness.

Day 316- No Moar Chocolate

common sense says that I should have hoarded that chocolate, eating no more than one square a day. It was so very yummy, though, and so long since I had yummy chocolate, that I nommed all that was left yesterday.

For Breakfast.

I love my mommy who gives me chocolate for holidays I don't actually celebrate. It's win.

Of course, then I had to come up with something to eat later in the day, when the sugar wore off and I was all shakey and stuff.

Which is when I dipped back into the stash of nuts and pasta and made some more kinda mac-and-cheese. I still  can't call it really for real mac and cheese, and somehow it takes me longer to make each time... But it's the closest I've got, so I'll eat it and be happy.

Which is what I did.

What I didn't do, but should have, is start more beans. They take about 5 hours on high in the crockpot, sometimes longer (for chickpeas or old beans). So I guess I'll be doing that today, huh?

Day 301- The End of Carb Mania and a Return to Vegetables

Much like the medicine that made me lose my appetite entirely, the medicine that turned my appetite on full force is not going well. My stomach hits me all day, every day with desperate pleas for cookies and chips. I don't normally crave cookies, so that one's easy to miss. The chips though...

I've noticed, though maybe you guys haven't, that in my carb obsessed last couple of weeks (with budget nowhere in sight...) one of the things missing is vegetables. The other, really, is protein.

I've been using cheese instead of beans, and I feel pretty blah. It's super easy to have a meal of cheese and carbs, and I suspect that kind of eating is at least 50% responsible for the magic headache of sparkly lights I, um, "enjoyed"... Saturday.

I figured out it was a problem yesterday, actually. after stuffing myself with enough (totally nutrition-less) food to keep a teenager full for at least 6 hours, I was starving again. My stomach actually *hurt*. Not cool.

So I decided to give my stomach what it seemed to want. After more pancakes than my stomach should be able to hold, it was still shouting more. Not good, but now I know it's definitely not that I wasn't eating 'till fullness. It's that my brain switches are goofy. Much easier to deal with.

So starting today, in about half an hour, I'm going to try to manage balanced meals, with vegetables *and* protein, and to stop eating after a reasonable serving amount.

Which means that, despite my goals otherwise, I will be taking at least one more trip to the store before the end of December. I have one onion, a cooked (and hopefully still good) turban squash, a sweet potato, a couple turnips, and a bag of frozen peas. More than I thought I had. Writing it out makes it sound like more. Win for me, right?

So I'm off to lure my stomach into temporary fullness (instant mashed potatoes), then bash it over the head with nice healthy food (either pea and potato curry, or cashew mac and cheese with veggies...).

And Tuesday, Honest, I'll be back on schedule. Everyone needs something fun to read first thing in the morning. And the last weeks leading up to Christmas craziness seem to be needier than most.

Oh, yeah, Hope everyone had a happy Hanukkah, too. Kinda slipped by me there.

Day 297- Over Sleep And Cheese

Right, so... I has a headcold. Or maybe the flu. Not totally clear on that one.

I am all stuffed up. My normal de-stuffing drug, benadryl, makes me sleep. My normal *have to take it every day or else* pill makes me sleep (once I fall asleep, anyway). I'm not supposed to take benadryl right now. It's also the only thing that works.

Yesterday I nommed a grilled cheese sammich. I just inhaled it. And fries. And two glasses (plus, I think) of tasty sugary soda. And I finished the cookies from the day before. Not on budget, obviously. I'm working on that.

Anyway, I got some work done while I was out and about. Not here, but other writing stuff. Yay me.

When I got home, though, I had a huge pulsing headache. Was it the sugar? The dairy? the iPod turned up loud enough to drown out the baby "talking" loudly at the next table? Who knows. I took a couple advil (end the pain now) and a benadryl, and my before sleep pill. And slept for more than 14 hours.

Guess they're serious when they say the abilities stack, huh?

Anyway, off to the library I go. Maybe I'll find a good, cheap cookbook... Or not.

OBD 24 &25- Thanksgiving

So I'm still (a little) sick. And my shiny new medicine makes it feel like my head is floating about 6 inches above my neck. So I didn't really do thanksgiving yesterday.

Instead I slept. and when I woke up i hit the one open store for junk food. So my thanksgiving dinner was mac and cheese, frozen cheap pizza, a bag of (leftover, sale) chips, and some star crunch. Not healthy, but easy and good for nomming between naps.

Obviously if I were a halfway decent human being, I'd have made "real" food for thanksgiving dinner. Or I'd have visited someone who was cooking. But I'm pretty sure anyplace I could have gone is thankful I stayed home.

Wednesday I went to publix. I was craving taco bell, but i decided that the money I would have spent at taco bell would be better spent on a bottle of (cheap) wine. So I bought a bottle of cheap wine. And a head of garlic, and a blob on mozzarella, and a box of pasta, and the bag of chips I finished yesterday, and a zucchini, and something else, but I don't remember what just now. So I'm going to make something yummy with all that (or at least some of it) and take another nap before going to "work".

Where medicine is concerned, I think I prefer "sleep 24 hours straight" to don't eat for a week. Neither is all that great, but at least with sleeping I have more fun. Also, the floaty head thing is enjoyable. or, you know, not...

OBD 22-Veggies!

Yesterday started off as a very bad day, nutritionally speaking, with soda and chips. It got better from there though, really.

I finished the chips at lunch (though I may go get more later...) since I didn't cook Sunday. After work I started the laundry, an then went to visit mom. Last week I'd asked if she could pick up a few things for me at the vegetable bin when she went. Now I have those veggies.

Good thing, too, 'cause I've got a cold, or maybe flu, too.

Important lesson- money is dirty and will make you sick.

While I was there Mom fed me some spaghetti and left over eggplant parm, sending me home with the rest of it. Which I ate when I got home. (hey, I was hungry...)

So now I have:

• 1/2 a cucumber (don't ask...)
• 1 pt of cherry toms
• 2lbs onions
• 1 large bunch turnip greens (turnips still attached)
• 1 smallish turban squash
• a couple pounds of beets...

I think there was something else, too, but can't remember what. 

So I think I'll make some kind of soup or veggie curry today. Lots of veggies and vitamins to help me get better fast. Just don't know what kind, yet.

Also, I think Bear is once again only-est dog. He looked very happy about it, too.

OBD 14- Moar Bread and Chai

Oh, and drama, too, kinda.

RM#1 decided, at midnight, that he *absolutely* had to move the couch out of the house, 'cause it's infested. And that he had to tell me all about it. And then he told me that he's getting the neighbor, and exterminator, in to spray the house. For bedbugs.

So, of course, I told him *again* that spraying isn't effective, that the only effective treatment for the house was tenting. "uh, well, how much would that cost, and I don't know if you guys have anywhere to stay."

All the landlord's responsibility. Carefully avoided pointing out that he could always call the health department and ask them. Actually, maybe I'll call and ask....

Otherwise, dull Sunday. Very very dull. Did no writing. Having video card issues still, want to pull the part and toss it out the window. Can't afford to replace it, will avoid window-out-tossing for now. Also hope to avoid full windows reinstall. Takes too long, and I hate having to go back through and get everything how I like it again. Pleh.

Food- Out of soda, so I've been sipping chai. I have a non-caffeine / non-tea chai. Gypsy Tea rooibos chai, I think. And one pack with the magic caffeine in it. All day no caffeine would be sad.

Then finished the bread rolls, thought about making the chili, decided against it, thought about making speedy sweet potato fries or maybe weird curry pancake thing, but decided against that too. Started making chai. Of course, I also napped from 8-11am, so I really didn't get my day started until late...

Hmm, that's really pathetic eating. I'd have sworn I ate something else, but I can't remember what... I am a bit nervous, tho- TD had a home visit yesterday, and mom hasn't let me know if Bear is back to being an only-ist dog, and I has an interview for a holiday job. So I'm a bit bouncy right now.

Did I mention that the super sweetened chai smelled and tasted like it'd make the world's most tastiest ever cookies? Really, it does.

Or maybe that was the glug of vanilla.....

Day 255- Calzone!

I said I would, so I did!

I maked the calzones. I maked (yes, I know, not a word) them with eggyplant (also not a word) and umyums (also also not a word). Oh, and tofu ricotta tinted lightly pink by the dregs of red sauce in the bottom of the bowl when I mixed it up.

Then I baked them. It was good. I managed about half of one.

They (both of them) were/ are huge. Like, really really bigger than my head huge. Like bigger than a burrito from Moe's bigger than my head. Like bigger than a big calzone from the place in the mall big.

Not as cheesey, though.

So while they were finishing cooking, I made some red sauce to dip them in. Started with the tomato paste, clawing what was left out of the jar (yeah, yeah, I know, bad idea...), then adding salt and some garlic powder, then some more salt.

Then I reached into the cabinet for the Italian seasoning.

Did I mention that I've finished the kosher salt and am now shaking my (iodized) salt, just like everyone else?

I spinned (more fun than having spun, dunno why) the top off the Italian seasoning. Having just shaked the salt and shaked the garlic powder my arm decided that I must now shake the Italian seasoning, too.

The Italian seasoning Who's shakey top I'd just spinned off.

Oops.

Then, instead of doing like normal people do and scooping the un-tomatoed bit back into the jar, or scooping the (seriously over the top) extra into the trash, I added water and mixed it up. And mixed. And mixed. And eventually just accepted that my red sauce for dipping was going to be green-ish and smell like grass (like the type growing in most people's lawns) and oregano.

So I ended up with green clumpy reddish sauce that tasted like unsweetened yerba mate.

Which I really don't recommend. Oops.

Also, is it November yet? I'm not ready for NaNo, but I could really go for a pint of Ice Cream. And probably less caffeine/ more sleep. Or just the ice cream.

Day 245- Sad Fried Rice

I am (happy happy, joy joy party time?) finally Out Of Rice.

I had a tiny little bit from the most recent bag left. I also *knew* I had a couple onions and at least one carrot.

In my sad (hungry) little mind, that sounded like a perfect collection of food for a sad little bowl of veggie fried rice.

When I went digging in the magic drawer of veggie-rotting, though, I found a strange yellow squash of truly astonishing properties. It was one mom had sent home with me about a month ago. It wasn't squishy, and it really wasn't furry at all, either. In my magic rotter drawer.

I simply had to add it to my food.

First, though, because I didn't want the yellow squash to overpower my (rather sad) 1/4 onion and small carrot, I peeled that yellow monster. Anyway, who knows what kinda strange stuff it picked up after being in my fridge that long...

So I peeled it (I know, I know, vitamins...) and scooped most of the seeds out, and chopped it up along with the (part of an) onion and small carrot (also peeled). Then I fried them all up in a bunch of oil and a bit of salt while the rice cooked.

Did I mention it was only about 3/4ths of a scoop of rice? I don't think I got the scoops to water quite right, but the rice was neither too sticky nor too crunchy, so I figure it worked out ok.

Dumped the rice in the pan with the (by now very well cooked) veggies and salt and vinegar (can't forget that), dumped a bunch of soy sauce on top, and mixed it up.

Smooshed pretty nicely into my bowl. I think I actually almost prefer my fried rice *without* cabbage, but it's so cheap and so good for me, I'm not sure it's right to give it up. Plus, it makes the rice go muuuuch farther.

Anyway, the rice actually turned out better than I expected. I thought it might be too rice-y, or too veggie-full, but it was just about perfect.

Then, later, I made a batch of noodles, with more soy sauce, plus oil and some garlic powder.

I *really* need to cook up a new batch of beans and make those fried roll things. At this rate I'm going run out of everything else *except* beans, and be eating them plain from the pot. That'd just be nasty.

And that's without worrying about total amazing calorie shortage. Ugh. Need to work more, so I can buy junk food, so I can stop dropping weight. Or at least so I don't look at what I ate for the day, add it up in my head, and wonder how the heck I think that actually counts as food.

This would be so much easier with a chef and 85 million dollars. And tasty vegan donuts.

Ok, going to go drool over donuts and talk myself into a tasty bowl of paste... er oatmeal. Yeah, that's it, tasty oatmeal.

Day 219- I Had A Hungry!

Whew! I don't know about you guys, but I was starting to get worried there for a while. Normal j.-style hungry is a huge, world ending kinda thing. This wasn't that good, but it was a hungry.

I once managed to spend $200 on street food in Manhattan over a weekend. I ate it all, too.

Yesterday's hungry wasn't epic like that, but it was a hungry.

So first, over the course of most of the day, I finished the bag of chips I picked up reeeaaaallllyyyyy early yesterday morning (the bars were still open, I think...). Then, around dinner time, I realized that I felt hungry. It was kinda cool, actually.

I knew I wasn't interested in fried rice, and the spring rolls (which are tempting even if only as a sweet chili sauce delivery vehicle) would take too long. So I made a kinda strange onion/ curry pancake thing. Maybe a cup of food in the whole thing, it was the size of a decent 3 egg omelet. Just fried onions with a flour/ water/ curry/ salt mix poured over them, fried in the wok until it was cooked through.

Then I ate the whole thing. Took about 45 minutes. Wasn't super healthy. Probably not the best option.

But I ate it. Yayz.

Now I need to get those rolls cooked, so I can build my guts back up. All that tasty sweet chili sauce, and right now I'd be limited to maybe a tablespoon at a time. Can't have that!

Unfortunately, I was finished with my mutant pancake-thing by 9:45 last night, and the hungry hasn't come back yet. Hope it hasn't run away again. Unlike Bear, I doubt I can get it back by driving around with an open car door and box of Biljac treats.

Day 205- Pizza Makes j Hungry

So I made pizza twice yesterday. Pizza, it turns out, is really not filling at all.

Even tasty hummus pizza. I think it's the lack of cheese. Or maybe my hollow leg. Or possibly my totally expandable stomach. So I nommed some oatmeal.

Now, Oatmeal is still not my favorite food. It *is* filling, though. And I can make it in the microwave, which is good because we only have 2 regularly working burners on the stove.

Have I mentioned the rat-shack-ness of my house lately?

At least the roof and internet work.

I'm out of sugar still, and I haven't got my other favorite sweeteners- apple juice and apple sauce- so I used raisins. Worked out pretty well. If I weren't totally lazy, I might try making cookies with nothing but oatmeal, raisins, and cinnamon. I figure they can make raw cookies with about the same stuff, I should be able to too, right?

But anyway, j cannot live on pizza alone.