Scary thought, I know, me thinking...
Up until now, I've looked on this whole thing as an exercise in scarcity. Not because I've got no food in the house- I have a ton of food. Rather, because to me there isn't much food in the house.
I have more than 5 pounds of rice, at least as much flour. I have spices, even if it's not the variety I'm used to. I've got yeast, and veggies, and beans, and fruit. I have oats and salt and more than a pound of sugar.
I usually don't use a pound of sugar in a year!
But I still think in my food hoarding way- the way that makes me comfortable, I guess. The way where if I don't have 30 pounds of various flours, a flat of pre-made pasta sauce, and 5 pounds each of every dried bean known to man I panic.
Which is crazy. Sure, I could use some more oil- I'm amazed it's lasted as long as it has, honestly. Yeah, I'd love some other flours or fats to work with. But really? With another couple onions, a fresh head of garlic, a bag of frozen corn or head of cabbage, and another can of tomato paste, I'm good to go for another month, at least. I have a lot of food.
I just don't have the food I want. Or, not *all* the food I want.
I shouldn't be able to manage mango sticky rice on this budget, but I have a mango in the fridge, and a vat of coconut milk/ sugar rice in there too. And another cup of sweetened coconut milk to make more rice with later.
A lot of people (I don't know how) keep next to nothing in their houses. They maybe have beer and water in the fridge, coffee in the freezer with some frozen pizzas, and sugar and dry creamer in the cupboard. My father seems to live like this. I think he has some frozen steaks, too, but you get the point.
Compared to people who live like that, I have a ton of food. It might not be the food I'd choose if I had money coming out of my ears, but it's still food. And there's a bunch of stuff I can do with that food. I just need to do it.
I need to think about what I have, or what I can get, rather than what I don't have, can't have, or won't be able to get. 'Cause even though I keep saying I have a bunch of stuff, in my little j. brain there's still a big scary "no way there's enough food" voice.
And there isn't- not enough to feed 4 people for half a dozen years. And even then that voice would probably still be picking at me. Silly voice.
So far as what I ate yesterday- I made the sticky rice- basic cheap white rice (cooked and hot), half a can of coconut milk, about half a cup of sugar, a bit of salt, Wow, talk about sugar rush. Enough to make me sick, actually.... I remember now why I usually lay off the sweets.
And about 3 big mugs of soup. The level has moved down just a little, and the soup is getting more soupy, more brothy, and less thick, but still yum. Added some balsamic vinegar and a bit more salt. I'll have to add veggies eventually, so it doesn't get dull.
Now, back to work convincing myself that I have a ton of food....