Last night I was lazy and hungry. What's new, right? So I went into mom's pantry and dug out a can of chickpeas. I didn't feel like hummus, so decided on falafel.
I don't actually *have* a recipe for falafel, of course. That would make things too easy. I've *read* recipes for falafel. I've even made it from boxed mix before. For some reason, though, my totally homemade falafel always turns out weird.
This time I had access to mom's spice cabinet, though, so it totally should have turned out great, right?
Anyway, I chopped up the world's tiniest onion and tossed it in mom's blender with a can of rinsed chickpeas, random spices, some water, a dash of lime juice, and some salt. I blended it as long as I could be bothered (I suspect this whole thing works better in a food processor, but I couldn't be bothered to dig mom's out...) then dumped it into a bowl.
I think this is about where things started to go really wrong. Not that they were going really right before this, this is just where everything got really bad.
You see, I added panko. Not *my* panko, which is in my car. Mom's panko. Who's ingredients I didn't read before dumping into my (savoury) chickpea mix.
So I dumped it it, mixed it up, and formed patties (the only part that went *right*) and fried the little monsters until they were browned on both sides. Which is not the same thing as done, just browned. I tossed them in the microwave to try and finish the "cooking" process, but who knows how well that worked...
I decided then, that the best sauce possible for this (jerk and cajun and turkish seasoning seasoned) falafel would be barbecue sauce. Which turned out to be freakishly sweet.
So at first, I just thought the falafel was sweet because of the barbecue sauce. It's not like I use a lot of it, or really use all that much sugar, either. And pre-made foods are kinda missing from my diet (chips and the odd frozen pizza excluded), so when I say it tasted sweet, I mean to me. Most of the sugar nomming american public would probably find it bland.
So I thought the falafel was sweet because of the sauce. Then I tried some of the falafel *without* the sauce. It was *still* sweet. Why was the falafel sweet?
The panko. Mom's panko. It has two or three different types of sweetener in it. It's freaking breadcrumbs, people, does it really need sugar???!!!
Did everything have sugar in it last year, before I stopped buying stuff already made? Is this a processed food thing? WTF is sugar doing in breadcrumbs? Breadcrumbs are powdered bread, isn't that close enough to sugar already?
To make sure it wasn't just a panko thing, I checked the "normal" breadcrumbs in mom's cabinet, too. Three or four different types of sugar there, including the ever popular HFCS.
Dude, no wonder Americans are fat and diabetic- there's sugar in *everything*. And it makes it all taste weird!
I have *no problem* with sugar in places sugar should go. Sugar in coffee or tea, fine. Cookies, cake, muffins, cupcakes? Fine. Sugar in chocolate? Yes, please. Sugar in oatmeal, on cream of wheat, or in jelly? Totally fine.
But not in tomato sauce or breadcrumbs or mac and cheese or burritos. That's just crazy. Trust me when I say putting sweet stuff in savoury stuff is bad. I once put a quiche in a sweet pie crust. It was bad. Sweet panko in falafel? Bad.
Sorry, I seem to have gone a bit ranty there. The falafel was a strange, sweet Fail. I covered it with mustard and finished it.
Now, time to torture the dog. He stuck his cold, wet noes in my face at about 3am. Now I get to clean his ears and trim the fur on his feet. Doggie torture is *so much fun*!