Monday, February 7, 2011

Day 357- Back at Mom's and Take-Out

I'm back at Mom's for the week. Bear is thrilled. And by thrilled I mean he leaped at me for 5 solid minutes when I walked in the door, then played tuggy-bone with/at me for 20 minutes, then leaned against me looking sad, and is now on his dog bed, sighing and looking sad at me. So he's Bear.

Mom says I can use *any* of her kitchen tools. I might actually have to cook something! Yayz!

Yesterday I pretty much stayed in my little guest room. Other than when Dad and his GF went out (I assume for brunch?) I was stuck in the room. Well, ok, to be fair Dad did move her up to her room so I could get something to eat around 6, but by then I was thinking about going out, so the whole "juggle *her*" thing just wasn't working for me. I'm beginning to wonder how much of her psycho-bitch-ness is actually her and how much is Dad....

It's like he's rotating animals in a zoo.... I'm not fond of that analogy, but it rather fits.

Anyway, I was bad, went out, and got a huge, awesome falafel pita thing. I scarfed it down like no one's business. It was soooo yummy. Part of that might have been because I hadn't eaten all day, but I'm pretty sure most of it was just because it was awesome. Expensive and awesome.

So, I'm taking votes. Should I continue to play the "hide in the room like a good little criminal" game next weekend, should I just be out in the common areas pretending it's no big deal (and to me it really isn't), do I confront her about her behavior (tho I'd have to actually *see* her to do that), or do I cause nuclear-style melt-down of Dad's relationship? The last one would be the most fun (for me) but I'd need a new place to stay and probably get disinherited.

Alternately, I could just keep sharing all the bits and pieces of the whole lovely drama-filled play with everyone. I still have no idea why I'm so scary. If I *really* cared enough to break them up I'd have done it already.

Tomorrow, Food!


  1. Personally I don't think this needs to be a showdown between you and her. Your Dad needs to step up. You were in his life way before she was, right? And it's not like it's going to be a permanent situation.
    I don't have kids but I'll be damned if when I do have them I let someone alienate them in such a way.

    Don't mean to step on toes, but really, your Dad needs to tell bitchy GF to accept you and if she doesn't at least to put on a happy face and deal with it.

  2. Lol, not happening. He's much too happy in his little fantasy world where this whole thing makes sense. Besides, I'll be gone in a couple weeks and who knows when she'll be leaving....

  3. Well, if it doesn't bother you to be in common areas where she is at, then I'd say pick that option. If your dad says something about it, then VERY calmly, have a conversation with him. He is your father, you are right, but he's also a person trying to carry out a relationship with this woman.

    If you want to confront her, take her out to a nice coffee shop or something (at your father's expense, perhaps?), just the two of you. And have an adult conversation. She might not just be mean for being mean's sake. She could be, but she could also have her reasons, and it's sounding like a bit of an anxiety thing between her and you.

    I wouldnt say to voluntarily and consciously try to mess their relationship, though. It's a lot more than just an 'inheritance and a place to stay' at stake...

  4. In order to confront her I'd have to actually *see* her. Most likely not happening. If I were actually interested in ending their relationship I could do it, but that's waaay too much drama. Nice fantasy, though.

    I can normally at least deal with just about anyone. Can't get to a truce with someone I never see, though. I'm trying to be a reasonable guest, but there's only so much I can do. Well, I guess I could obtain some Valium and give it to her as a hostess gift....

  5. I had a confrontation with my Dad and step-Mom a while back. Situation similiar to yours. I was shocked at why she was pissed at me--basically came down to not understanding each other. She and Dad actually called me and cried on the phone after I wrote a scathing note and said I would just drop out of their lives. My Dad didn't understand why she was upset and neither did I. He chose not to tell me the reason for 5+ yrs while I walked around on pins and needles. When we finally talked, I apoologized for what was upsetting her (though I found it pretty silly) and she eventually decided I wasn't such a bad person afterall. I'd err on the side of having a confrontation if necessary and if I were you, I wouldn't be so sure I could break them up. Sometimes it's best to get things out in the open and just deal with it. If he marries her, it will only get worse before it gets better.

  6. This is really your Dad's place to step up. I mean seriously, if she isn't interested in having a relationship with you, then she isn't interested in being a part of your father's life, which means she's after him for money or sex. Or she's hiding from the law. If he is unwilling to take a stand and say 'This is my daughter, grow some human decency you big bitch', then I like the idea of doing what you please. If she freaks out and confronts you, you can never lose an argument by being the calm reasonable one who would like to discuss things like an adult.

    Are you parents on decent terms? Is there any chance your mother could smack some sense into your father?

    If it were me, and I couldn't get my father to discuss the issue, I would inform him that I would no longer participate in that charade, and will not stay at his house under those circumstances. Then I'd find whatever other couches etc necessary until I had my own place again. But I see no reason to let other people treat you like this, especially not family, and not when you're an adult with no apparent drug problems or mental illness.

  7. Cyndee- A good part of why she doesn't like me is his fault (he sez, tho he's not big on truth). 'parently she's invited my sister and I over for dinner and, well, he just never passed on the invites. So I get (partly) why she's not happy. But she's also been living with my dad for something like 6 years now and had no interest in meeting either my sister or me. What I (and everyone but her, actually) know would break them up, unless she's only with him for money or is the single strangest woman ever.

    Kim- Our vote here is money. I don't know the dynamics of their relationship (and really don't want to) but he'll have to live with her after I leave, and he's generally most interested in his own comfort. I think if Mom could have had an effect on him she'd have done it by now, and I really don't want to put her in the middle of this anymore than she already is- she did her time.

    I do have (really for reals) depression, actually, which strangely doesn't get better when drama llamas attack. But it's still no excuse for the whole deal over there....

  8. I think I missed a few episodes, so I don't know why you are going back and forth between him and your mom. Sounds much better with your mom, just stay there.

    But as long as you are staying with your dad, for whatever reason, I'd want to know other things before giving advice. Is it his house and she's staying with him, or is it her house and he's staying with her, or is a place that they got together? And if it is his house does she pay her share, or does she just get free rent for being nice to him? And does she ever have friends/family stay over? Maybe she just doesn't like having an extra roommate. I think you've had to deal with that a few times yourself.

    If it is her house or if she is paying her share, and she doesn't want you there, then you shouldn't be there, unless maybe there was some deal made that you get to stay because she had some friends staying with her earlier. So don't confront her unless you know for a fact that she's a complete useless freeloader, and even then you should be careful.

    I would just much rather be at your mom's anyway. It has a kitchen and a dog that someone else pays the vet bills for.

  9. laughing- my lease ran out at the rathole slum shack, and I'm staying with family until I bounce on to my next adventure. If mom had more room I'd happily stay, but her home is tiny and I end up taking over the livingroom, even when I try not to.

    It's his house, I think she buys food. He pays for the house, the car, the electric, the car insurance, vacations, etc. She has guests over sometimes, with no real problem from him. Her income goes to paying her (personal) shopping, personal maintenance, and credit card bills. So yeah, pretty much a freeloader, though they are using her furniture in about half the house.

  10. I say when you go back let it be her turn to hole up in her room.

  11. Amy- sounds like a good plan to me!